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Anger

Depressed.  Angy.  Anxious.  Angry.  I'm mad that I'm depressed, angry that I have shit to do but I can't get it done.  Pissed I can't just go to bed until it passes because I have to work to pay the bills and take care of my kids.  I am exhausted empty and dead inside but so full of rage.  How do you feel nothing yet so much all at once?  It makes absolutely no sense.  Every little thing sets me off.  I'm on my own no one to talk to, no one to discuss this with .... I'm without a therapist right now because my insurance raised my co pays so I can't go when as I need to be.  I have got to come out of this and soon or I'm going to go completely off the deep end.  I wish I had just one person in my life to just be there for me rather than suck every ounce of what I've got for their own agenda.
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The Affair

I'm having an affair, a very fun affair, very intense affair, an affair with my husband.  Many of my prior blogs have been me bitching about my husband always trying to figure out a way to get a quickie.  Nothing has changed, well nothing with him until after I stopped saying no and started saying yes.   We've gotten together at least 3-4 times a week the last month.  The fun started when he had a few too many beers and begged to come over and after finally saying yes he took an Uber over.  The kids were sleeping and for the first time in several years we were able to have a sexual encounter without a child interrupting.  There was a lot of passion and intimacy that we have been lacking for years and something changed for both of us.  He took an Uber back home after and that was the beginning of our affair.   We have been sneaking back and forth to each others houses depending on which of us have the kids once they have gone ...
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Asshole

So I get a text that my husband (divorce pending) that found a picture of me when I was pregnant with my daughter and I looked great.  Goes on to say that he got his first chubby in months.  My response was “I don’t know how I, past or present could turn you on since you are divorcing me”.  He texts I’d still go down on you, I always enjoyed doing that. WTF?  This went back and forth a few times ending with him being defeated and admitting it.  How does someone you love, crush your soul by filing for divorce and have no problem trying to get in your pants? Not saying I don’t miss being with him sexually, because I do, but I just can’t belittle myself and give in to that when that is all he wants.  Just to fuck and be done.  We’re not dating, we’re not hooking up.  We are (pending divorce) ie he decided he didn’t want me - that, to me means none of me in any shape or form. Needless to say, I spent my entire night crying since I’ve been reduce...
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