Mania Crash

I slept pretty good last night and woke up in a good mood since I didn't have to go to work.  The kids would be over in a couple of hours to stay the next couple of nights It's not my weekend by per usual my husbands business comes before the kids, bonus for me I get the extra time with them and that is never a bad thing.

I could have slept in but was up at 5AM unable to go back to sleep so I had a cup of coffee and was going to relax and catch up on TIVO but couldn't sit still.  Next thing I know I am getting out the paint supplies and painting the basement stairway walls -- now I've been meaning to do this since I moved in in March and haven't had the urge to do it until this morning.  Again not a bad thing, it needed to be done.  About an hour later with some rocking out to my running playlist I was done.

My husband came with the kids, my son will be 4 years old tomorrow so we decided to open gifts and do a mini cake quickly before he had to leave so he wouldn't have to come back in the morning.  I made them breakfast, a few hours later we had lunch..... then I crashed.

Completely numb, exhausted, depressed.  Everything was going so well.  I slept, I accomplished something, I was enjoying time with my kids..... then I crashed.  It's 3:30PM now, I crashed  around 1PM and it's just getting worse.  I'm down, I can't get back up, and I can hardly fake being a good mom right now.  I just want to crawl in my bed, cry and go to sleep.

What  gives.  It's never just a smooth day it's from one feeling to the other without any warning or control.  I just want to be "normal".  Maybe tomorrow will be more stable.... Today is a bust.

#bipolar #crashed #depression #mania

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Choose Your Mood..... Well Kind of.

I was able to roll out of bed today so I am off to a better start than yesterday.  I tend to stumble and fumble around the house in the dark until I get my eyes open.  Went and got my coffee started, THANK GOD for Keurig and the perfect cup of coffee. Went downstairs and fed the cats, came back up, got my hot coffee (added some creamer) and started to walk to the table to sit down and collect my thoughts.  Instead of "gracefully" walking to the table I stepped on one cats tail, then tripped over the other one, and fell flat on my face, coffee thrown EVERYWHERE!  as I lay there, I thought why do I bother.  If I could get by with calling into work this would be the day -  However I need to pay the bills so I chose to clean up the mess, and head to the shower. Who in the hell wanders around the house with hot coffee in the dark with two black cats?  Me, I do. I did this to myself.  I can't really be the type of person that chooses the mood t...
Read more

Anger

Depressed.  Angy.  Anxious.  Angry.  I'm mad that I'm depressed, angry that I have shit to do but I can't get it done.  Pissed I can't just go to bed until it passes because I have to work to pay the bills and take care of my kids.  I am exhausted empty and dead inside but so full of rage.  How do you feel nothing yet so much all at once?  It makes absolutely no sense.  Every little thing sets me off.  I'm on my own no one to talk to, no one to discuss this with .... I'm without a therapist right now because my insurance raised my co pays so I can't go when as I need to be.  I have got to come out of this and soon or I'm going to go completely off the deep end.  I wish I had just one person in my life to just be there for me rather than suck every ounce of what I've got for their own agenda.
Read more

Vacation Let Down

I just arrived home after a wonderful Florida vacation with my two kids.  It was their first time flying and seeing the Gulf, and they absolutely loved it.  I have always loved the beach, it's the one place (no matter what beach, city, state or country) that I can clear my mind and be "normal".  I finished a book that my niece gave me almost a year ago, one she had read and thought would help me.  I have picked it up and put it down several times over the passing months, not because I didn't want to read it or that I didn't want to read it, I was just not able to focus and sit down and finish it.  Until I was in a place where I could clear my mind. Today I woke up at 3:30 AM, again at 5:00 AM and finally when my alarm went off at 6:45 AM to get up to get ready for work.  I couldn't lift my head off of my pillow.  I hit sleep and rolled over, which I found equally as difficult as raising my head off of my pillow.  I searched around blindly with o...
Read more