The Latest

Wow, it’s been a long time since I have posted.  The husband finally gave up and two days after a “booty” call in June, told me he was filing for divorce.  Two in a half years of working on our relationship, just poof, he’s out.  Our 15 year anniversary was August 31st and here I am alone... unwanted and completely beside myself in a dark depression.  There is a waiting period after you sign settlement papers in divorce, so it’s not final yet.  I’m hoping maybe when it is I can move on from this mental crisis I keep myself in because I feel worthless.  I feel like I have been thrown out with the trash, no second thought about it.

If I didn’t have young kids, I wouldn’t be here.  I don’t want to be here, but I don’t want them to have their lives fucked up because their mom couldn’t hack it in the real world.  It’s all I can do to function, without falling completely apart.  I have no one to lean on, my friends are his friends.  My family is his family, so I’m on my own, and I’m really sucking at it.

 I crawl  out of bed and go to work enough hours a week to cover my bills, and then find myself more depressed when payday comes because there is nothing left for necessities let alone some kind of “fun” money.

Something has got to give, and soon.  I can’t keep going on like this.