When Will the Black Cloud Pass?
So far 40 sucks.. I woke up on my 40th birthday on vacation in Florida with my best friend with strep throat and double ear infection. I have never had an ear infection in my life, really???? I'm from Iowa, it was still winter here and my one time to go on an adult vacation since my kids were born (my oldest is 8) was ruined with misery, inability to eat sleep, fever and chills. I had to deal with it until I got home to go to the doctor. That was in March.
In May, I went out to start my Harley to go for a ride and clear my mind bike started rolled out of the garage only to have all of my fuel leak out from the caroborator. Needless to say the bike went back in the garage and I have yet to find someone to fix it. I have the parts just can't afford to take it to a dealership and the one guy I found to do it has been booked for months.
June 30th my basement flooded, while I was at my 2nd job. I came home to a nightmare. My kids play room, craft room and all of my child hood and their childhood memories, either floating or sinking in the murky water. All I could think is I must deserve this. I was a week without hot water, 3 weeks without air conditioning (it's now summer and in the 90's). I am just getting the foul dirty basement cleaned by a service today because I was on a wait list for all of the other people in town who flooded to get cleaned first. All of the items that were higher up and able to be saved are now living in my living room, kitchen and dining room, I look like a hoarder. I can't clean and have to squeeze through to get room to room. Once they finally get the basement cleaned I'll have to have someone come in and put up new drywall and replace the temporarily repaired air conditioning and the furnace. Winter will be back before I know it.
July - My windshield wiper fluid stopped working... not the wipers, just the sprayer. My toilet is broken and I don't have time to take off to have someone come fix that, did I mention I have used all of my sick and vacation time from work dealing with estimates, fixes and insurance companies?? After today - an unpaid day off there is nothing left for time to deal with what needs to be dealt with. My cell phone just stopped working out of the blue yesterday. Had to replace the LCD screen just because. Myself and my two kids have been fighting a summer cold/moldy basement deep coughing sickness for two weeks.... It's just never ending. I'm at the end of my rope, I have no strength left.
I keep getting told "it could be worse" etc etc..... I know it could be, but I'm human and it's been one thing after another and I am just not strong enough to continue taking the hits. I need something to look up. I need to feel good. I need to have something go right. I need to get out of bed every moment that I have time to actually do something outside of work, but I can't. I just yearn to be in my bed, sleeping. I am so tired. So exhausted, so mentally and physically drained. I'm so depressed and I don't know if I can come out of it this time.
#blackcloud #depressed #igiveup
In May, I went out to start my Harley to go for a ride and clear my mind bike started rolled out of the garage only to have all of my fuel leak out from the caroborator. Needless to say the bike went back in the garage and I have yet to find someone to fix it. I have the parts just can't afford to take it to a dealership and the one guy I found to do it has been booked for months.
June 30th my basement flooded, while I was at my 2nd job. I came home to a nightmare. My kids play room, craft room and all of my child hood and their childhood memories, either floating or sinking in the murky water. All I could think is I must deserve this. I was a week without hot water, 3 weeks without air conditioning (it's now summer and in the 90's). I am just getting the foul dirty basement cleaned by a service today because I was on a wait list for all of the other people in town who flooded to get cleaned first. All of the items that were higher up and able to be saved are now living in my living room, kitchen and dining room, I look like a hoarder. I can't clean and have to squeeze through to get room to room. Once they finally get the basement cleaned I'll have to have someone come in and put up new drywall and replace the temporarily repaired air conditioning and the furnace. Winter will be back before I know it.
July - My windshield wiper fluid stopped working... not the wipers, just the sprayer. My toilet is broken and I don't have time to take off to have someone come fix that, did I mention I have used all of my sick and vacation time from work dealing with estimates, fixes and insurance companies?? After today - an unpaid day off there is nothing left for time to deal with what needs to be dealt with. My cell phone just stopped working out of the blue yesterday. Had to replace the LCD screen just because. Myself and my two kids have been fighting a summer cold/moldy basement deep coughing sickness for two weeks.... It's just never ending. I'm at the end of my rope, I have no strength left.
I keep getting told "it could be worse" etc etc..... I know it could be, but I'm human and it's been one thing after another and I am just not strong enough to continue taking the hits. I need something to look up. I need to feel good. I need to have something go right. I need to get out of bed every moment that I have time to actually do something outside of work, but I can't. I just yearn to be in my bed, sleeping. I am so tired. So exhausted, so mentally and physically drained. I'm so depressed and I don't know if I can come out of it this time.
#blackcloud #depressed #igiveup
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