Madness is My Normal

So I get a text that my husband (divorce pending) that found a picture of me when I was pregnant with my daughter and I looked great.  Goes on to say that he got his first chubby in months.  My response was “I don’t know how I, past or present could turn you on since you are divorcing me”.  He texts I’d still go down on you, I always enjoyed doing that. WTF?  This went back and forth a few times ending with him being defeated and admitting it.  How does someone you love, crush your soul by filing for divorce and have no problem trying to get in your pants? Not saying I don’t miss being with him sexually, because I do, but I just can’t belittle myself and give in to that when that is all he wants.  Just to fuck and be done.  We’re not dating, we’re not hooking up.  We are (pending divorce) ie he decided he didn’t want me - that, to me means none of me in any shape or form. Needless to say, I spent my entire night crying since I’ve been reduce...

Wow, it’s been a long time since I have posted.  The husband finally gave up and two days after a “booty” call in June, told me he was filing for divorce.  Two in a half years of working on our relationship, just poof, he’s out.  Our 15 year anniversary was August 31st and here I am alone... unwanted and completely beside myself in a dark depression.  There is a waiting period after you sign settlement papers in divorce, so it’s not final yet.  I’m hoping maybe when it is I can move on from this mental crisis I keep myself in because I feel worthless.  I feel like I have been thrown out with the trash, no second thought about it. If I didn’t have young kids, I wouldn’t be here.  I don’t want to be here, but I don’t want them to have their lives fucked up because their mom couldn’t hack it in the real world.  It’s all I can do to function, without falling completely apart.  I have no one to lean on, my friends are his friends.  My famil...