Vacation Let Down
I just arrived home after a wonderful Florida vacation with my two kids. It was their first time flying and seeing the Gulf, and they absolutely loved it. I have always loved the beach, it's the one place (no matter what beach, city, state or country) that I can clear my mind and be "normal". I finished a book that my niece gave me almost a year ago, one she had read and thought would help me. I have picked it up and put it down several times over the passing months, not because I didn't want to read it or that I didn't want to read it, I was just not able to focus and sit down and finish it. Until I was in a place where I could clear my mind.
Today I woke up at 3:30 AM, again at 5:00 AM and finally when my alarm went off at 6:45 AM to get up to get ready for work. I couldn't lift my head off of my pillow. I hit sleep and rolled over, which I found equally as difficult as raising my head off of my pillow. I searched around blindly with one hand trying to find my phone because I knew that there was no way I was going to be able to get ready or to function at my job. When I had to get up to find the call in number, since it's not stored in my phone (because I have been too lazy to put it in there) I slowly walked hunched over with a pit in my stomach to get it, and bring it back to bed to call in.
My kids went home to their dad (my husband) last night after we got back into town (this is a very odd situation, I assure you that I will get into this later). When I walked into my house, alone (other than my two black kittens) I instantly felt DOWN. I was alone, my smiling kids were gone, and I began to feel very low. I went to sleep at 8:00 PM hours before I normally would. With plenty of sleep (compared to normal because I suffer insomnia) I was devastatingly low, depressed, unable to move and battling bursting into tears. Granted I have a lot of things going on with in my life that could and probably should make me feel this way, but really - there was no good reason for it. I'm going to call it Vacation Let Down. I'm back in my miserable setting that does not make me happy, alone. Every task is almost impossible to tackle.
I did however, a few pages to the end of the book I finished while on vacation, had the strongest feeling that I needed to start a blog. Not that I am that interesting or have any helpful advise, but most people, mainly those that should be there for me, have all turned their backs on me, they do not support me and most think that I should be able to choose the way that I feel each day and that mental illness is not real. I have one person (she knows who she is) I can truly count on, but I need more. I have a lot to say, I will likely jump around from past to present but I need somewhere to vent, share, feel that I belong. I hope that by reading this that you too will comment, share your stories and find a place to release those feelings that you have that may make you part of the "Mad - Crazy" group of people.
I'm just figuring this all out, so be patient with me while I make this blog more user friendly for us all.
For those of you having a good / normal day kudos, don't let anything get in your way and take in all of the greatness that is out there for you to grab onto.
#vacation #bipolar #crazy #depressed #insomnia #normal
Today I woke up at 3:30 AM, again at 5:00 AM and finally when my alarm went off at 6:45 AM to get up to get ready for work. I couldn't lift my head off of my pillow. I hit sleep and rolled over, which I found equally as difficult as raising my head off of my pillow. I searched around blindly with one hand trying to find my phone because I knew that there was no way I was going to be able to get ready or to function at my job. When I had to get up to find the call in number, since it's not stored in my phone (because I have been too lazy to put it in there) I slowly walked hunched over with a pit in my stomach to get it, and bring it back to bed to call in.
My kids went home to their dad (my husband) last night after we got back into town (this is a very odd situation, I assure you that I will get into this later). When I walked into my house, alone (other than my two black kittens) I instantly felt DOWN. I was alone, my smiling kids were gone, and I began to feel very low. I went to sleep at 8:00 PM hours before I normally would. With plenty of sleep (compared to normal because I suffer insomnia) I was devastatingly low, depressed, unable to move and battling bursting into tears. Granted I have a lot of things going on with in my life that could and probably should make me feel this way, but really - there was no good reason for it. I'm going to call it Vacation Let Down. I'm back in my miserable setting that does not make me happy, alone. Every task is almost impossible to tackle.
I did however, a few pages to the end of the book I finished while on vacation, had the strongest feeling that I needed to start a blog. Not that I am that interesting or have any helpful advise, but most people, mainly those that should be there for me, have all turned their backs on me, they do not support me and most think that I should be able to choose the way that I feel each day and that mental illness is not real. I have one person (she knows who she is) I can truly count on, but I need more. I have a lot to say, I will likely jump around from past to present but I need somewhere to vent, share, feel that I belong. I hope that by reading this that you too will comment, share your stories and find a place to release those feelings that you have that may make you part of the "Mad - Crazy" group of people.
I'm just figuring this all out, so be patient with me while I make this blog more user friendly for us all.
For those of you having a good / normal day kudos, don't let anything get in your way and take in all of the greatness that is out there for you to grab onto.
#vacation #bipolar #crazy #depressed #insomnia #normal
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