Sunday Funday......BLAH

Of course I'm up at the butt crack of dawn since I took my sad crying ass to bed so early last night.  I woke up with a deep feeling of emptiness coupled with a heart pounding anxiety over the laundry list of projects I should get up and do to make use of my time.

I don't know if I'm high or low, I think somewhere in the middle Hi-Lo.  I'm going to do my best to focus on myself today.  Maybe turn the phone off and turn on some music and just drown out life in general.  

No one actually talks to me unless they need something and if you've read my other posts I really have no one to do anything with.  Since I've moved to my house I feel like I'm becoming more introverted.  I used to be such a thrill seeker and now I just seek alone time because everything else just turns to shit and it's like pulling teeth to get someone to come over and hang out.

When I was with my husband, we would take the kids and join some friends (his friends, I have lost in the separation) and eat, drink and play all day.  I always thought of those times being fun, but looking back it was mostly me taking care of the kids and him off in a corner somewhere being a fun hater.  I think over time he literally sucked the life out of me.  Even so I still miss those times, clearly it wasn't all bad and I wasn't so alone.  I'm a bit afraid of how much I want to be alone.  There is just a lot less bullshit to deal with.

I guess I can build my own Sunday Funday -- Just different than it used to be.  I have a table to saw apart in the garage I have been working on for a week just so I can move it to the basement.  I have a dresser to refinish out there for my next project (did I mention I love power tools?)  and it's getting colder so I need to take down the wreath of ribbons and flip flops off the front door and paint something fall to hang up.  Blah.  Why bother, no one is ever going to see any of it anyway - right?  Thank goodness my house is clean.... if that were my to do list I definitely would not get out of bed.

If I can make it to noon without going back to bed, I will consider today to have been a good day I guess.  I'm just tired of feeling so BLAH!

#sundayfunday #blah #alone #highlow


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