Unwanted and Alone
Today started out as an up day, had the day off, had the kids. They played outside, we went to a couple of parks. There was an afternoon filled with monkey bars, slides, an obstacle course and a splash pad. Watching the kids run and laugh was so heartwarming. When we got home we snuggled on the couch and talked, my husband was coming to get them soon.
The low started the moment they left. My heart sunk. The tears came about 15 minutes later. I was alone. I was unwanted. My kids and my husband left with smiles and here I am, beginning a depressive cycle. I always have ups and downs, but it's much worse shuffling the kids back and forth and having my husband behave as if it's business as usual.
Even if we did work things out eventually, I would have to be able to mask my ups and downs. The only friends I had were his friends so along with him when I had my breakdown they abandoned me too. Some of them even went as far to share things I had said in confidence with him about him so really I have no desire to ever be around them again. He never interacted with my family or friends (the one or two I have) so that won't change. What would the point be to get back together?
I am open to feedback on any of my posts, I'm not just venting, I'm also looking to find others that share similar feelings or experiences. It is good to get it all out, an additional therapy to add to my list.
I'll be heading to bed early, I can't seem to find anything to distract me, other than blogging and lets face it, this has been depressing enough. I tried watching TV. I tried to continue a book, but an Abilify and Clonazepam and my bed seemed to end up the option.
Back to work tomorrow, at least that will take my mind off of things some.
#kids #alone #low #separation
The low started the moment they left. My heart sunk. The tears came about 15 minutes later. I was alone. I was unwanted. My kids and my husband left with smiles and here I am, beginning a depressive cycle. I always have ups and downs, but it's much worse shuffling the kids back and forth and having my husband behave as if it's business as usual.
Even if we did work things out eventually, I would have to be able to mask my ups and downs. The only friends I had were his friends so along with him when I had my breakdown they abandoned me too. Some of them even went as far to share things I had said in confidence with him about him so really I have no desire to ever be around them again. He never interacted with my family or friends (the one or two I have) so that won't change. What would the point be to get back together?
I am open to feedback on any of my posts, I'm not just venting, I'm also looking to find others that share similar feelings or experiences. It is good to get it all out, an additional therapy to add to my list.
I'll be heading to bed early, I can't seem to find anything to distract me, other than blogging and lets face it, this has been depressing enough. I tried watching TV. I tried to continue a book, but an Abilify and Clonazepam and my bed seemed to end up the option.
Back to work tomorrow, at least that will take my mind off of things some.
#kids #alone #low #separation
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