Anxiety
When I started this blog I was on a depression low.... Now I am full of anxiety. All day today I was anxious and jittery and had hundreds of thoughts slamming through my mind to the point I couldn't bring focus to any one of them. One would think that as the day went on that it would decrease, or that I could slow it down but when quitting time came at work I had an overwhelming rush of anxiety that made me feel like I was going to burst out of my skin.
I thought about all of the times that people have asked me "What do you do to decompress?" or tell me "You should decompress". What the FUCK does that mean? I am literally losing my shit because I can't slow my mind or feelings rushing through my body to even begin to know what decompress means.
I've tried breathing, grounding techniques, meditation and yoga. I can't shut off my mind in order to distract myself enough to relax and reset. For the last 3 hours I kept thinking I should just grab the laptop and blog about it. Instead of doing it I just sat and let the anxiety take over instead of just getting it out in the open. I think it would be helpful if I could just go to or call or text someone, but there are few people that I could and generally before it's over the conversation becomes about them rather than me and I am left in the same shape I began.
Then the crying started. I actually had a comedy playing on TV and just started bawling - I don't know why, just typing that made me start crying again. I'm not sad, I'm not depressed. I'm bouncing out of my mind and I just want to be centered. What the fuck?? Where is the normal - I just want to be normal. I just want to be tired when I'm not rested and energized when I am. I am so exhausted with the up and the down and the no middle in between. I thought for a couple days that I was doing good but I was just quickly transitioning into this... today.... another bitch of a day in the life of bipolar.
#anxiety #bipolar #normal #decompress
I thought about all of the times that people have asked me "What do you do to decompress?" or tell me "You should decompress". What the FUCK does that mean? I am literally losing my shit because I can't slow my mind or feelings rushing through my body to even begin to know what decompress means.
I've tried breathing, grounding techniques, meditation and yoga. I can't shut off my mind in order to distract myself enough to relax and reset. For the last 3 hours I kept thinking I should just grab the laptop and blog about it. Instead of doing it I just sat and let the anxiety take over instead of just getting it out in the open. I think it would be helpful if I could just go to or call or text someone, but there are few people that I could and generally before it's over the conversation becomes about them rather than me and I am left in the same shape I began.
Then the crying started. I actually had a comedy playing on TV and just started bawling - I don't know why, just typing that made me start crying again. I'm not sad, I'm not depressed. I'm bouncing out of my mind and I just want to be centered. What the fuck?? Where is the normal - I just want to be normal. I just want to be tired when I'm not rested and energized when I am. I am so exhausted with the up and the down and the no middle in between. I thought for a couple days that I was doing good but I was just quickly transitioning into this... today.... another bitch of a day in the life of bipolar.
#anxiety #bipolar #normal #decompress
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