Can't Fight the Funk

I'm have sunk into a complete funk.  Down right depressed.  Can't shake it.  I have been in and out of bed (mostly in) since 2:30 yesterday afternoon.  I was up at 5:30 this morning then 7:30 then 11:00 took a shower and now back in bed with my alarm set for 3:30....  I would stay in bed all day and night but I got my daughter tickets to Katy Perry tonight so I have to somehow drag my ass out of the house and take her.  This was something I have been looking forward to, and she is so excited I don't know if I can fake it through the night.  I just want to sleep and cry, and sleep some more.

I haven't been happy all week, but I was doing okay'ish... I'm still hung up on the no response to the text yesterday that "I think you just don't want me to be around anyone you know".  No response 24 hours later, which clearly says, he doesn't want me around anyone he knows.  I'm only good enough for a booty call.

Big changes ahead.  No more booty calls, no more being available when his life is more important than time with the kids and he needs me to be the "sitter".  No more faking being nice so he doesn't think I'm crazy all of the time.  He really has had the perfect world this last year.  He doesn't have to come home to me wondering what #bipolar mood I'll be in that day.  He has family that takes the kids, where between them and me his 50/50 time is more like 20/50.  And when he gets to the point where he can no longer go without sex he hounds me until I give in.  On the flip side, I get nothing in return.  We do nothing together.  I have lost all of my friends, because they were his friends.  And on one of the most important days of his year, he doesn't want me there.  Didn't even think to invite me.  I can't get it out of my head and I can't quit crying about how little I mean to him.  13 years..... wasted.  I'm still wasting my life on him thinking someday he'll want or need me for something more fulfilling.  I can only blame myself.  It's all right in front of me and I am a fool.

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